A GOOD reflection about today.

Let me introduce you to the elephant in the room, it has been a week since I tried to kill myself by overdosing on my psyche medications. One week ago today just about an hour from now, I took about 20 pills of Lamotrogine and 20 pills of Citropram. I almost died this time. I spent part of the day in the emergency room, then I spent the next 24 hours in the ICU. On Tuesday they transferred me to the CCU, on Wednesday they did a heart catheration on me wanting to see what kind of damage I did. Fortunately they did not find any blockages, they are not sure what kind of damage I did to my heart. That will take some more tests to determine. Needless to say I am grateful for surviving my attempt. I have been off ALL of my different medications that I have been taking and I am doing real good. Maybe the different cocktail of medications were contributing to some of the depression that led to my attempting to take my own life. BOTTOM LINE OF THIS POSTING IS THAT I AM GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE, FEEL BLESSED TO SURVIVED MY ATTEMPT, AND ACCEPT FULL BLAME FOR MY STUPIDITY.

26 Comments on “A GOOD reflection about today.

  1. Depression is an awful thing Mike. I don't know what led you down the path you took, but I hope you and your doctors find out why. Don't be so hard on yourself either. Just saying.Have a terrific day and I'm very grateful that you are still with us. Big hug to you both. 🙂

  2. Wanda's Wings, The sadest thing is that my depression almost won.Sandee,I do not know why I hve the problems that I do.I do not care why,I am glad that I am still alive.I know that I do not want to be one a mix of drugs ever again.I feel better since being off all those drugs.For all I know it is the combination of every thing that I was on causeing the deeper depression and the seizures.I feell alive now something that I have not felt in a long time.Knock on wood I have NOT had a seizure in several days since being off all those drugs as well..

  3. Mike – I'm so glad it's a week later and you are okay. I'm happy there was no damage and better yet – you are doing well! Depression makes people do things that they otherwise wouldn't. We're just all grateful you got through it!

  4. Mike, I didn't know that you had attempted to kill yourself. I am glad that you didn't succeed. Too many people have committed suicide lately and the consequences have been awful for all concerned. Stay strong and stay alive.

  5. Mike,Take good care and I'm sure that the meds you've been taking are part of your problems with depression. I'm glad you are fine and is here.Love,Ana

  6. Mari,we still do not know if there is some kind of perminate damage.I wll know mor when I go for a repeat EKG again,if it still show some illregular heath beaths that there will be more tests done.Syd,The sad thing is that I almost did not survive my attempt,I do not remember the Ems guys at my house,I do not remember the trip to the Hospital.All I remember was laying down on my couch in the living room and waking up in the hospital and not being able to speak properly.Ana,Yes it was both the Depression,no impulse control and the meds running my life.I am greatful that God Said No,it is not your time.Wanda's Wings,I am doing OK today,I am slowly improveing every day.

  7. I'm so glad you are OK. I'm so sorry you have been suffering so much. I'm sure there are many of us who understand how you feel and want to help when you are down next time. Please reach out to us. Praying for you 🙂

  8. Hey,I just linked through here, from Stephany's blog. I'm not sure what to say, seeing as I don't know you. Erm, don't try to top yourself again, will you?.. It's such a lot of effort for so little reward!MattPS I'm well-known, it seems for my leftfield observations and mindgames, apparently (it's just normal speech, to me), so you can ignore the above, or not, as you see fit!

  9. Radagast(Matt),Thank you for stopping by,all comments are welcomed,with the exception of spam and or personal attacks.

  10. I'm glad you didn't succeed. I lost my daughter in June, 2009 and I can barely stand it. The impact of loss is greatly felt, you know… Glad you are ok.

  11. Have Myelin,I am sorry for your loss.If it was not for the fack that an automatic reflex action happened I might not have made it.while out my body strated to throw up on it own.I think that is was saved my from dying.I am so greatful for that.

  12. Mike, so glad you are still here for me to visit. Get well soon. I've added you to my prayer list, my friend.Blessings,Mary

  13. Oh, Mike, :-(This really was a \”bad day,\” as you put it! I am so sorry you were feeling that way, and am so happy that your attempt did not work. Hopefully they will indeed find a better treatment for the depression.I must say you carry it well. You are so very connected to so many wonderful people, and you are clearly such a giving person. I don't usually see that in people who are depressed. Your accomplishments must come at great personal effort. I applaud you for that.You're on my prayer list, man!Peace!

  14. BorePatch,Thank you for stopping by,I'll be over to pay you a vist as well.Ferd,For the most Part I do Ok most of the time.I have my Hammered Dulicmer music and of ther music I listen to I have My A.A. Big Book that helps me as well.The sad thing is that every onece in a while the Dark Side of me wins,as was the case of my Susicide attempt,Because of my dark side I can be supportive of others,It's the been there Done That kind of thing that enables me to relate to others that are suffering.

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