Parts of me.( I am not a Saint) or it’s the I ten T errors
I maybe sorry that I posted this one,but her it goes.
As I have been traveling the great land of Blog,I have been sharing different parts of my life.there still is a bunch of stuff about me that maybe or maybe I have not posted about much here on my own blog.
There is a reason that I started to post recovery blogs as a special part of my blog sidebar. I have discussed the alcholism of mine.I am also bi-polar,I have tried to commit susicide many times in the past,that monster still is with me I just try to keep that one on a short leash.
I have some problems that were caused by my time in the Air Force.The sad part is that the Military said that my problems were caused prior service.
the V.A. still maintains that to this very day.I have decided to just give up fighting with the “government” on this one. the government in their infinate wisdom has decided that any vetern that has drug abuse or alchol problem are their own doing and the service did not cause the problem.this is true to some point no one force me to drink nor to take the drugs( acid & speed and who know what else) that I took.I admit that this was a form of self medication that I did to cope with my military service.
I am not proud of this part of my history,but it is what it is.
Now for the really shameful part of my life I have had a violent temper and because of that it created for a verry stormy first marriage.
There was an other aspect of that train wreck,I was accused of cheating by my wife based on rumors that fellow wives were telling her. I never cheated on her.Unfortunaly while on a tempory duty assignment she cheated on me with of my best friend. i could have held that agaist her and filed for divorce.but I still wanted to make things work.I though when I got out of the Air Force that maybe we would have a chance of doing that.We both started Taking Classes at Sacramento City College.we both got our A.A. degrees.I tried to go to the 4 year collage to get my B.A. but due to my head being on backward I ended up on academic probation because of my grade.the following semester my grades did not meet the standards again and was placed on academic suspension.
The marriage was floundering we seperated.That is when my true mistress( the one that has always been in the backround) took over me ,and my drinking escalated.
I think that I will stop for now.maybe soon I will revisit this part of my past. Wow 2 long winded postins in one weeks time.
15 Comments on “Parts of me.( I am not a Saint) or it’s the I ten T errors”
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I've known most of this. I knew you were married before, and I figure it was pretty much like this. Booze and drugs makes for a tough marriage. I'm glad you got beyond that.I've seen your temper a few times too. So I knew about that too. I know how hard you try to control your anger as well.I love you just the way you are. All the warts and everything. There you have it.Have a terrific day my friend. Big hug. 🙂
Wow Mike, nothing at all to be ashamed about. You are human, you have admitted your have problems. Thank you for being so transparent dear one with your struggles with suicide, anger issues and the lot. I hear you dear one. Thank you again for being honest! I know you still grieve. I can hear it in your post.((((Mike))))
Mike, so you might not be a saint, but you are a caring wonderful person. You help daily and that's what counts!
Sandee,Thank you for that.Just Be Real,some things are a daily struggle.For the most the anger is under control.At least I'm not punching holes in the walls,or breaking up furniture.and I not hitting my wife at all.Not the case in the first marriage.Wanda's Wings.I guess I'm trying to make amends with God for my past.
None of us are saints, none of us have lived perfect lives. What's important is who we are today. We can't change the past. We just have to face it, make what amends we can and then move forward. From what I've seen you seem to be a very decent person. That's something to be proud of.
I'm recovering 20Plus years now. Every day is a day I consciously decide not to no matter the reason.Keep talking about and get it out. Holding it in, in my opinion, causes the demons to spin out of control.I think your brave talking about it here. really brave. So long as I do no harm to others, I don't care what others think. Just keep going forward man, one step.
Guess what? None of us are saints and you don't have to make amends – just say you are sorry, which you have done! You have come a long way – look how long it's been since you had a drink.I appreciate your caring and kind self that I see so often here!
Anon Drifter,Thank you for that.some of the disfunction may be the result of the seizures that I have.It does not excuse me of the harm that I have caused.Blogging seems to have helped me move forward.A Stich in Thyme,thank you for sharing that with me about you.Mari,I'm glad that I have been sober as long as I have been.the shortest time I have been sober is 15 hours.
Hang in there. The portion of your post dealing with the first marriage and the abuse in it could have been written by many others in recovery, including myself.The lives of all of us, no matter what the background, are about improvement and not perfection. One day at a time and thank God, they can't give us any more than that at once!
whoa. I'm blown away by your willingness to be honest. We've all done stuff we aren't proud of. None of us are perfect. Thanks for sharing. Sarah
SubVet,comming for you that means a lot.But for the grace of God,things could have been a lot worse that they are.Sarah,thank you for your comment.we are all human we all make some bad decisions that can put us on a road to nowhere fast.
Mike, I think you are brave and honest and wonderful. It's tiring to read blogs that are supposed to be \”personal diary\” type blogs that are always just surface stuff and fluff. Your honesty and your courage to share your story is very inspiring.You have lots to be proud about.
Mountain Woman,the Biggest thing I'm proud of is that I have a great Lady in my life,we have tried to take care of each other the best we can.
You know Mike, our past can shape who we are but it doesn't have to own us. Because of the stuff you went through you are better able to be there for others and leave encouraging comments… probably when they need them the most.What is truly beautiful about the grace of God is that when we bring up those past sins that he has forgiven us for, He says \”What sin?\” Because He has put the forgiven sins – those things that can haunt us and hurt us – as far away from Himself as East is from West. We are TRULY forgiven!! He doesn't hang on to it to hold over our heads!So we should follow His example and not beat ourselves up for our past.Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is bad to remember our past. It gives us an idea of how far God has brought us… it shows us what he has accomplished in our life.And Mike, we all fall short. We all have things in our past that we aren't proud of. The thing is, regardless of what has happened, you are NOW one of the kindest bloggers out there. Be blessed!
Jennifer,I thank you for you kind remarks.I have strived to improve myself with the help of God,for he a great and merciful God.